you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
