I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
