if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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