I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
