I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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