I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
