i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
