Your face is a jimmy john
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I supernannyed him into submission
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize