He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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