That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
