her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
