Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
