There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
