I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Im just a social blackout drinker.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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