Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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