I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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