ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize