Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
