i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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