I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
