Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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