I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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