That's intense
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
