I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
