Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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