Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
