When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
