She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
