had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we made out on top of his cat.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
