he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
