Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
did i walk over a car last night?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
