he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
