Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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