I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
