i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
