im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
