i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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