My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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