Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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