i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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