you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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