i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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