***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
