hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
