Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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