just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
