ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
