If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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