I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
