he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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