saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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