I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
