glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
