some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
