Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
