We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
