all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I deserve this hangover.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
