ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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