Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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