i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
