oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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