you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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