Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
