Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
