The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Is it because I queefed?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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