I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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