All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
