you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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