just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
