and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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