Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize