Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
