After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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