Yo dont text me then not text me
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
