so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
